Episode 6: Beta...

Beta/Bacchi, 

I've been away from Mumbai almost a year now, and I'll be honest, I hate it. My reasons being extremely simple, this place has no soul. I don't wanna name the place (the government might track me down and kill me) It may sound like I'm being paranoid, but trust me, I'm not. I'll do you a favour now and not going to get into a huge-ass rant about how I hate this place. I'll just get to the point.

I love Mumbai. For me, its the greatest city in the world. Its home. It has charm, its exciting, its dangerous, its hopeless. Its home. 

If there was one word I can use to describe Mumbai, It would be chaos. The city is overrun by it. Everyday is a constant fucking sprint to get done with your day. It doesn't sleep, It doesn't rest, It doesn't stop. Its intimidating, its scary. But its home. And no matter how chaotic it seems, there is a method to the madness. One could even argue, that its strangely organised. The bus is running late? Its okay. Dont fucking sit there complaining. Its always 20-30 minutes late. Tu jaldi kyu aaya Chutiye? If you know the bus is always late, dont complain about it. Adapt. Train stopped midway? Toh chal na chutiye! The trains will breakdown! Especially during the monsoons or peak hours or the nights or the day or most days or everyday. You should be prepared! Its not the cities fault, its yours. Just get off the train and walk to the closest station. Its that simple. Bal Thakeray died? BHAAG CHUTIYE! Incase of a riot, dont go to the cops! Dont go to the hospital! Dont take any form of public transport! Just fucking run till you get home. (Strangely enough, the same goes for when India wins the World-Cup.) Leave everyone behind and if you didn't know this already, you're not a real Mumbai-ite. 

My last two years in Mumbai were my greatest. I found a group of friends, I will NEVER forget. They showed me more of Mumbai, in my last 2 years there, then I had seen in my whole life. For 2 whole years, All I did was smoke, get wasted, see new places, meet new people, earn some cash and then go back and smoke. I realised something about myself. With these guys, I found who I was. I found who I wanted to be like for the rest of my life. They forced me to think outside the box. Everyday for me would be smoking some, playing snooker, making a little money (little being just enough for the next day) and then going home to get some sleep. I would like to believe that I lived in a bubble of comfort my whole life. Being chauffeured around in luxury. Getting the money I want, not need. Doing whatever the fuck I wanted to. But I meet these guys and the literally make me believe I don't need any of that shit to keep me happy. We survived on arguments, conversations and shit loads of substance. It didn't matter what it was. No college, no work to do, no nothing. It's why I'm one of the greatest experts on how to waste your life. I owe them a lot, how I am today, is because of them. I can survive anywhere. I can adapt. I'm stronger because of them, I stand up for myself. I'm confident. I know none of them will ever read this. But it makes me happy that its out there. Somewhere in cyber space, floating around in absolute emptiness is my ode to the greatest friends I could have asked for.

This is Aaron Caeiro, signing out.

Episode 5: Wait For Me

"Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea, yeah.
Lonely rivers sigh "wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home,
Wait for me." 

Unchained Melody plays on. But i dont see her around smiling at me. I look out for her, she isn't there. I have to get used to this. I have to. 

The question is, how? How do i get used to not having that face around me? 

She smiles at you and a warm feeling takes over your insides. She holds your hand and you feel like a king. She kisses you, your insides turn to velvet. Have you ever been with someone like that? 

I have. 

She was beautiful. She still is. 

I left home. She will too, soon. She'll be out alone, without family, without friends, without me.
But she'll make it. 
She's strong. Unlike me. 
She's brave. Unlike me.  

She'll make it. She always has. 

She wasn't just any girl. She was my first love. And i realise now, i dont want to lose her. 

So here goes, 

Dear Cookie, 

I wish i could hold you and tell you it will be okay. You were there when i left. You talked me through it when i was scared. You comforted me. So i thought maybe i could write you something explaining to you what you mean to me. Or at least trying.

I love you. I've loved you since the day i saw you. Even though back then you insisted i was infatuated and nothing more. I've loved you for the last three years. I loved you through everything that has taken place from then on. 

I love your eyes and the way you look at me. 
I love your nose and i love the fact that you dont.
I love your mouth and the way you kiss me. 
I love your hair and the way it falls on my face while we sleep.
I love your neck and the way you bend it while you tie your hair.
I love your chest and the way it rises and falls when you breathe.
I love your legs and how the feel when they rest on mine.
I love kissing your forehead when you're next to me.
I love telling how you beautiful you look. 
I love how you make me feel like a king, just by looking at me.
I love how I cannot imagine life without you. 

I hope you realise what you mean to me. 

You're the love of my life.

August 1st 2012
Aaron C