Episode 6: Beta...

Beta/Bacchi, 

I've been away from Mumbai almost a year now, and I'll be honest, I hate it. My reasons being extremely simple, this place has no soul. I don't wanna name the place (the government might track me down and kill me) It may sound like I'm being paranoid, but trust me, I'm not. I'll do you a favour now and not going to get into a huge-ass rant about how I hate this place. I'll just get to the point.

I love Mumbai. For me, its the greatest city in the world. Its home. It has charm, its exciting, its dangerous, its hopeless. Its home. 

If there was one word I can use to describe Mumbai, It would be chaos. The city is overrun by it. Everyday is a constant fucking sprint to get done with your day. It doesn't sleep, It doesn't rest, It doesn't stop. Its intimidating, its scary. But its home. And no matter how chaotic it seems, there is a method to the madness. One could even argue, that its strangely organised. The bus is running late? Its okay. Dont fucking sit there complaining. Its always 20-30 minutes late. Tu jaldi kyu aaya Chutiye? If you know the bus is always late, dont complain about it. Adapt. Train stopped midway? Toh chal na chutiye! The trains will breakdown! Especially during the monsoons or peak hours or the nights or the day or most days or everyday. You should be prepared! Its not the cities fault, its yours. Just get off the train and walk to the closest station. Its that simple. Bal Thakeray died? BHAAG CHUTIYE! Incase of a riot, dont go to the cops! Dont go to the hospital! Dont take any form of public transport! Just fucking run till you get home. (Strangely enough, the same goes for when India wins the World-Cup.) Leave everyone behind and if you didn't know this already, you're not a real Mumbai-ite. 

My last two years in Mumbai were my greatest. I found a group of friends, I will NEVER forget. They showed me more of Mumbai, in my last 2 years there, then I had seen in my whole life. For 2 whole years, All I did was smoke, get wasted, see new places, meet new people, earn some cash and then go back and smoke. I realised something about myself. With these guys, I found who I was. I found who I wanted to be like for the rest of my life. They forced me to think outside the box. Everyday for me would be smoking some, playing snooker, making a little money (little being just enough for the next day) and then going home to get some sleep. I would like to believe that I lived in a bubble of comfort my whole life. Being chauffeured around in luxury. Getting the money I want, not need. Doing whatever the fuck I wanted to. But I meet these guys and the literally make me believe I don't need any of that shit to keep me happy. We survived on arguments, conversations and shit loads of substance. It didn't matter what it was. No college, no work to do, no nothing. It's why I'm one of the greatest experts on how to waste your life. I owe them a lot, how I am today, is because of them. I can survive anywhere. I can adapt. I'm stronger because of them, I stand up for myself. I'm confident. I know none of them will ever read this. But it makes me happy that its out there. Somewhere in cyber space, floating around in absolute emptiness is my ode to the greatest friends I could have asked for.

This is Aaron Caeiro, signing out.

Episode 5: Wait For Me

"Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea, yeah.
Lonely rivers sigh "wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home,
Wait for me." 

Unchained Melody plays on. But i dont see her around smiling at me. I look out for her, she isn't there. I have to get used to this. I have to. 

The question is, how? How do i get used to not having that face around me? 

She smiles at you and a warm feeling takes over your insides. She holds your hand and you feel like a king. She kisses you, your insides turn to velvet. Have you ever been with someone like that? 

I have. 

She was beautiful. She still is. 

I left home. She will too, soon. She'll be out alone, without family, without friends, without me.
But she'll make it. 
She's strong. Unlike me. 
She's brave. Unlike me.  

She'll make it. She always has. 

She wasn't just any girl. She was my first love. And i realise now, i dont want to lose her. 

So here goes, 

Dear Cookie, 

I wish i could hold you and tell you it will be okay. You were there when i left. You talked me through it when i was scared. You comforted me. So i thought maybe i could write you something explaining to you what you mean to me. Or at least trying.

I love you. I've loved you since the day i saw you. Even though back then you insisted i was infatuated and nothing more. I've loved you for the last three years. I loved you through everything that has taken place from then on. 

I love your eyes and the way you look at me. 
I love your nose and i love the fact that you dont.
I love your mouth and the way you kiss me. 
I love your hair and the way it falls on my face while we sleep.
I love your neck and the way you bend it while you tie your hair.
I love your chest and the way it rises and falls when you breathe.
I love your legs and how the feel when they rest on mine.
I love kissing your forehead when you're next to me.
I love telling how you beautiful you look. 
I love how you make me feel like a king, just by looking at me.
I love how I cannot imagine life without you. 

I hope you realise what you mean to me. 

You're the love of my life.

August 1st 2012
Aaron C

Episode 4: That Girl Across The Room

.EXT, NIGHT: BUSY Cafe. (2 MONTHS AGO)

*Aaron, his father, his mother and sister sit around a round table. The Cafe is bustling with activity. The waiters swiftly and effortlessly serve diners. The camera spins around the room, the commotion dies down. The audience hears complete silence. The camera stops at Aaron. His father, mother and sister are having a conversation but he is inattentive. We see a girl sitting on the table across him, sipping on an iced tea. She glances at him at regular intervals.*

AARON (voiceover)

Stop staring at her, idiot. Look away. She might notice. You don’t want her to think you’re a creep, do you? Oh but what the hell, she’s gorgeous. Should you go talk to her? Nah. She’s with her dad. Look at him. Fucking idiot. Look at him laughing with his mouth full of food. How does someone like that, produce something as brilliant as her? Now I’ve seen everything. Oh! Look away! She looked back at you! Did she see you? Okay, I think you’re in the clear. Idiot, I told you not to stare.

*Aaron’s mother taps him on his shoulder. He snaps out of his daze. He starts to stammer.*

AARON-

Yeah Ma?

MOTHER-

Where the hell did you go?

AARON-

Umm, nowhere. I was right here.

MOTHER-

Really? What were we talking about?

AARON-

Things. Umm, interesting things.  

FATHER-

You don’t think I noticed you staring at that girl sitting behind me? You’ve been nodding at everything I’ve been saying for the past half hour. You wanna go over there and talk to her?

AARON-

Whaaaaaat? Girl? What girl? Why don’t we just talk about something else?

*His father looks disappointed. They go back to talking amongst themselves. Aaron zones out again...*

AARON

Should I smile at her? Maybe I should. What if she thinks I’m weird? I’ll never have a shot with her then. You know what? You are a retard. A complete retard. You don’t know her, not one bit. She’s gonna leave the diner in a while and you’re never gonna see her again. Take a shot at it.

*Aaron smiles at her, catches her off guard. She blushes, smiles back coyly. *

AARON

Woohoo! Who’s the man?  You’re the man. Okay, now what’s phase two? Should you go there and talk to her? Aah. But her dad! He’ll crush you. Is he that big though? Maybe you can take him. What if you can’t? Well kiddo, you’re fucked big time. Oh fuck! I think dads done with dinner. No! Not so soon. I didn’t even get time to introduce myself. No! I want dessert!

*His father calls for the bill. Everybody stands up. Aaron stands very reluctantly, the girl notices them leaving. She frowns slightly. Aaron raises his hand and flicks his wrist in the motion of a wave. She smiles at him. He leaves the diner.*

AARON

Hey dad, I think I left my phone inside. I’ll go get it quick.

*His father smiles at him*

FATHER

Make it quick.

*Aaron speed walks into the restaurant. He spots her table. Stands right in front of her and motions her to come to the door. She hesitantly nods, murmurs something to her father and stands up. She starts walking towards him. Time instantly slows down. The commotion in the diner again turns silent. All we hear is Aaron’s heart pounding against his chest. He forgets to breathe. *

GIRL

Hi.

AARON

Hi...

*She smiles and stares at her feet. He opens his mouth as if about to say something but laughs instead at the absurd situation placed before him*

CUT TO BLACK.

Episode 3: The Brawl.

When you’re in college, in India, you have a lot to be worried about. You have those unit tests that everybody tries to convince you are so important. I still haven’t bought that. You have your parents who are the ones trying to convince you that if you don’t do well in your exams, you're going to end up homeless on some street in Bombay jerking off, begging for money. You have your friends, most of them are in the same boat, and the ones who are working hard, trying to get somewhere, annoy you. How the fucks are they studying when you’re not?

Soon everything starts getting to you. Everybody starts annoying you. You can’t wait to get out of the house because when you’re at home, you’re only reminded of the things you’re not doing right or not doing at all.

Maybe your situation isn’t the same as mine. But let’s just assume it is. Let’s just assume every kid my age is pissed off at something or somebody and need to vent. You’ll take up smoking or maybe experiment with drugs. Well that stuff won’t get you anywhere. And if you are like me, looking for a vice. A way out. Well kiddo, I have some great advice for you. Get into a fight.

Not just any fight. Not one of those, gay little ‘bitch slapping’ fights. Or one of those abusive, only cuss words allowed fights. I’m talking about an all out fucking brawl. I want to be throwing punches like a maniac. I want there to be blood. Maybe even kicking (I’m not very fond of kicks but if you have to hurt, you have to hurt don’t you?) Inflict as much pain as humanly possible. Make the guy cry.

I know I do seem extremely sadistic right now. But can you imagine how good that kind of fight will be? It’ll clear your fucking mind up better than weed ever can. I thought about the people I’d like to get into a fight with, a fight of this magnitude. A few guys came in mind. My girl’s ex-boyfriends? Well she’s not really my girl, I like to make-believe. But those guys! Whew! You’d need a crow bar to separate me from them. I’d fucking beat them till they broke, like literally broke.

Maybe I’m immature for wanting to hurt them so bad, but it’s not like those guys don’t deserve it. Until now, I’ve never gotten into a serious fight maybe one or two but nothing serious. I’d like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t pick fights. The worst part is, I can’t even keep grudges. With all the shit I’ve taken from people, I never reacted. At least not the reactions one would expect from the situations I’ve been in. Sometimes you fell like you're being walked on. Its that feeling when you don't feel like a man, you feel like a boy. Situations spin out of control sometimes. You feel like every decision you make, for some reason isn't for you. With these guys things got out of control, Maybe things are great now but am i expected to forget the all the bullshit I've taken? Am i not allowed to resent? Or hate? Which is why I’ve been waiting, patiently waiting to confront either one of them. It will be kind off difficult, seeing that none of them live in my city but what the hell? I love travelling. Wait till they see what I got in store for them. Epic.

For those who know nothing about starting a fight. Here is how to start.

1)     

Fi    1) Find the perfect victim. Someone who is challenge but not too high on the difficulty level. You should also have a good enough reason to beat the fuck out of them. That very important. Because when you have a reason, the need to distort their face completely comes from within.

2)     

2) Find the perfect soundtrack. Personally I’m a Wolfmother fan. They always seem hardcore enough to provide the right energy and yet remain in the background. If you’re into electronic music, I suggest Prodigy. Take ten minutes now to choose a good soundtrack. Remember a soundtrack is very important. Chosen one? Good. Play it in your head the next time you’re about to get into a fight. The attitude to beat the shithead standing in front of you will come naturally.

3)   

 3)  Skill or aggression. You either need one of these. Cause if you have skill, there’s no way your opponent will want to fight back. He’ll basically give up, stick his jaw out and take the mad thrashing your about to bestow upon him. Aggression on the other hand, scares people. If I see an aggressive and I mean a raving maniac throwing wild punches, I’d instantly apologise. So you need to have either one of these and if you happen to have both you’re a fucking killing machine.

4)     

4) Lastly, Balls. My uncle always said, ‘The one who throws the first punch, wins the fight.’ I realised eventually that he was right. Absolutely right. The guy who throws the first punch instantly proves two things; he’s crazy enough to beat you up, two, and he’s crazy enough to get beaten to a pulp.

Hint: Alcohol provides great benefits in brawls, completely lowers inhibitions and the amount of pain one can take.

My aunt once said (yes, as you can see I have a very violent family) that getting into a fist fight instantly clears your head. I pray to god she’s right cause I need my head cleared now more than ever. So here we are your homework assignment for the day. Get into the craziest fight possible. Bleed, bruise, and break. Just have some wild, crazy, raw fun.

This is Aaron Caeiro signing out.

Episode 2: The Cigarette

Every newspaper, every magazine, even the god damned cigarette pack tells you how harmful smoking is. That doesn’t stop 80,000 to 100,000 kids from trying it every day. Every 8 seconds someone around the world dies from tobacco use. But if you think this post is about how to stop smoking, stop reading. Its reasons to continue and why smoking has a huge influence on everybody’s life.

The first time I had a cigarette was 2 years ago. About 5 guys had gotten out of chemistry tuition, me included. To prove our masculinity we decided to have one cigarette. Somebody with balls bought us the smokes and we hid them, hoping not to get caught. That’s the greatest thing about India though, you don’t have to be an adult to try anything. Even a twelve year old can purchase cigarettes and booze.

 So back to us. Out of the corner of my eye i spotted a truck. A big truck. Probably big enough to cover all our stupid asses. We ran behind it. And let me just tell you that I’ve never been this scared my whole life.

Cigarettes are a taboo. Everybody has seen a smoker. Everybody knows one. But till you hit adolescence, it doesn’t even cross your mind that you can actually try a cigarette. Your parents (yes, even the ones who smoke) warn you about the hazards of smoking. They threaten to beat you, to ground you, fuck, even to kill you. Which is why when you’re standing there, like a complete fucking jackass, trying to hide a cigarette in your hand, behind a fucking truck, You happen to think, what if i get caught? You start to imagine you’re dad burying your body in an isolated place. Trust me my dad has the potential to do that. You hesitate. But then “izzat ki baat hai, yaar”. So you go through with it. Oh, what a glorious day that was!

Anyway, we tried to limit ourselves to one a week. That turned into twice a week. Well in a nutshell, it’s around ten to twelve a day, at present.

In my three years of experience as a smoker. I’ve seen every possible reaction to the cigarette. From disgust to admiration. I fall under the latter. I’ve seen smokers or Charsi’s as we call em’  in Bombay, curse it. And I’ve seen charsi’s fall in love with the cancer stick every day. Again i fall under the latter. They say smoking cuts down 8 minutes of your life, every cigarette that is. But then again “8 minute zyaada jee kar, kya ukhade ga?” (What are you gonna accomplish in 8 minutes?).

It seems to me like a fair trade off for the 5 minutes of complete atonement you attain while you smoke. It really does seem like falling in love. When those warm fumes enter your lungs, your head just gets a little lighter. You’re throat feels like velvet. Its like falling in love with the reefer, every time you smoke it.

And there’s never a reason for me to quit. One, I'm not a big fan of old people, don't wanna become one. Two,It really pisses people off when they see a kid like me smoking. You even get the whiney fucks sometimes, “Please, this is not only your air, its every bodies.” or "Please throw that cigarette away,its killing you." And i swear the next person who says that is gonna get a punch so hard, they wished they smoked. Three, Beer does not reach its maximum potential in taste without the wonderful taste of a Classic Mild. And lastly, I want to die of something of my choosing, when I get lung cancer, the doctors will put me on so much pain medication that I will not notice that the copious amounts of blood that I am coughing out have put my cigarette out. So you see there’s never a reason not to smoke.

Times To Smoke: 
-When stressed (instantly relaxes you)
-After sex (sometimes better than the act itself)

-While drinking (nothing tastes better)

-After waking up (it works better than the strongest coffee)

-Before going to sleep (you'll sleep so well, people will think you're in coma)
-While playing pool (trust me, nothing looks cooler)
-While bored (time flies while smoking)

-While on smoke break (what else you gonna do?)
-Before meals (to satisfy the hunger)
-After meals (to digest the food better)
-When driving (you need something to do with you're mouth, right?)
-When drowsy (you'll be up like a 14 year olds boner) 

-When drunk (it just improves that awesome high)
-When confused (it enlightens you)
-While deep in thought (relaxes you)
-When around others who smoke (you need to give em' company right?)
-When scared (after a smoke, you wont be)
-When nervous (after a smoke, you wont be)
-When around people who DON'T smoke (just to piss em off)
-When doing laundry (i.e. stinky clothes) 
-Upon buying a new pack (inauguration)
-When introducing yourself (to make it clear, you're smoker. you don't want to lead them on, do you?)
-When you are living life to it's fullest 
-When living fast and dying young 
-When drinking coffee 
-When coughing 
-While watching a movie 
-When angry 
-After class 

 And lastly while writing this blog post.

So in conclusion, I’d like to say that there’s never enough reason not to smoke. And if you’re not a smoker please don’t hate. And don’t ever tell a smoker that “Smoking is injurious to your health”. We know and most importantly don’t give a fuck. For example the conversation i had with a guy from my college:  

Douche bag: "You know, smoking is bad for your health." 
Me: "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THANK FUCKING CHRIST, YOU SAVED ME, I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WAS BAD FOR MY HEALTH, I'm so glad that a person such as yourself has come into my life and saved me from the dangers of cigarettes. You are truly a blessed person." 
Douche bag: "Well, man, I thought it was just the right thing to do." 
Me: "Oh wait, I forgot, I really don’t give a fuck, I hope you die of second hand smoke. Where the fuck is my lighter?"      -_-

Okay, now I’m craving a smoke.  So i shall leave you with this.

“A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?” ~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

This is Aaron Caeiro, signing out. 

Episode 1: Pilot

Episode 1.

INT, MIDNIGHT:  AARON’S HOUSE (PRESENT DAY)

                Aaron Caeiro clears the table of all the clutter. He places his laptop. He opens it up and switches on his webcam. He lights a cigarette and presses the record button. The camera behind him starts to loosen. We only see the light of the laptop, the wisps of smoke and the back of his head.

AARON CAEIRO:

There’s no particular reason to start this blog. It’s probably just to rant and talk about stuff I don’t usually get to talk about. Cause most people; unfortunately don’t want to hear your bullshit. Or it’s probably cause im bored. A friend of mine once said that writing helps. Okay, it wasn’t a friend, it was my mom. She said it’s good to write down the way you feel. She also says I’m cool. I don’t think I can trust her though.

Some ash spills over. He frowns. He contemplates cleaning after himself. He doesn’t.

Anyway I’m getting ahead of myself. There’s always gonna be time to talk about how fucked your life is. In a nutshell this video blogs gonna be about 3 things. Movies, friend and me. But not to worry though. We’ll talk about the first two way more. I’ll let the next video out soon. I know there’s a good chance nobody’s gonna be reading this.

Or maybe my twisted view of everything will probably be refreshing enough and give people the initiative to read it. But for those who do happen to read this. I’ll try to make it as interesting as possible. So hopefully you’ll stick around.

This is me Aaron Caeiro, signing out. 

He clicks on the ‘stop recording’ button. The blinking light stops. He stubs the cigarette. Uploads the video and waits. “VIDEO UPLOADED’ Flashes on the monitor. He light another cigarette and continues sitting in the darkness. Camera pans out.

CUT TO BLACK.